Men and women need to communicate with each other, in whatever enterprise they are engaged in.
However there are certain times when men feel like they are not being given respect and when women feel like they are not being loved, that communication becomes blocked and turns into conflict of some degree.
The Crazy cycle (coined by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs), describes this within the context of a couple in a marriage.
However, this concept can help you understand any relationship between you and the opposite sex where the communication has moved into conflict.
Without love, your wife will react without respect. Without respect, your husband will react without love. Dr. Emerson Eggerichs explains how couples find themselves on this crazy cycle!
WHAT IS THE CRAZY CYCLE?
Many couples spend most of their time on the Crazy Cycle, which is summed up like this:
Without love, she reacts without respect.
Without respect, he reacts without love.
The Crazy Cycle triggers and fuels itself.
When a wife feels unloved, she tends to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. When a husband feels disrespected, he tends to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife.
The more a man feels disrespected, he builds a wall around himself.
When a woman feels a man is hiding behind a wall, she feels even less loved and becomes more disrespectful
And around and around they go on the Crazy Cycle. The man’s wall gets higher and the woman’s frustration and fury grows
The Crazy Cycle is easy to learn and remember:
Without love, she reacts; without respect, he reacts
Here is great news:
When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning out of control.
When a wife chooses to come across respectfully even though she feels unloved, she can stop or slow the Crazy Cycle, as well.
On the other hand, life gets insane when a husband says to himself, “I’m not going to love that woman until she starts showing me some respect! I’ll not talk to her!”
Likewise, madness reigns when a wife says to herself, “I’m not going to respect that man until he earns my respect and starts loving me the way he should. I’ll teach him!”
We may feel justified in saying these things to ourselves, but the only result will be endless spinning on the Crazy Cycle!
However, there is more good news!
The wife is not trying to be disrespectful; she is reacting because she needs to feel her husband’s love for her. And the husband is not trying to be unloving; he is reacting because he needs to feel his wife’s respectful approach to him.
When the need for love and respect is met, a spouse is energized.
The key to motivating another person is meeting that person’s deepest need, especially during conflict.
Think about that, when you find yourself being unepectedly being drawn into conflict.